Those Who Have Gone Before Us...

I've thought quite a bit about this topic over the past ten years. I lost two family members between 2000 and 2001, and it hit me pretty hard. It hit my family pretty hard. We're all dealing with it differently, and everyone's beginning to heal all over again.

...but I also lost a friend my first year of college, and that hit me just as hard. We weren't particularly close, but I knew him in a different way than everyone else did. It still bothers me that he died so young. My cousin was 17, and that has just begun to sink in after 10 years... but my friend was close in age to myself, and he lived near me. Then one day I got the news that he just wasn't there anymore. Similarly, my grandmother and I had just begun to hang out, and she died the day after we reconnected. I guess it was a good thing that we got that last opportunity, and that I got to know my friend pretty well before he died - I don't think that he would have made as much of an impact on my life had he not passed. But it's still scary.

I've lived with allergies all my life, and the idea that every day could be my last is something that I've struggled with for a while. It has made me who I am. The way I look at it, it can be motivating or completely unmotivating, depressing or invigorating, but

It's always bittersweet. Living each day as your last is a wonderful concept
...attempting to make sure that your life is "worth watching..." but then someone dies.
...& you have to remind yourself of all the good times you spent together so that you don't feel hatred or spite or upset or fear.
...& then you well up with tears anyway. So live each day as your last, but hope it isn't.
...& remember all those who have gone before us from this world for the good times we had, and for the lessons they've taught us.
...& hope that our lives will one day be just as impressionable on others.

Been A While

As hectic as my life is, not writing in months is bad even for me. My goal is to write once a week.

I was reading my Aunt's blog earlier and I had this weird revelation. Some old people aren't so old after all. I grew up with pretty conservative parents, and so there are many "taboo" topics, which I think is an immature and ancient viewpoint. I've just recently discovered that older folks can be just as open-minded as us young folks sometimes, and it's a very refreshing thought.

Sleeptalking...

I have recently been talking to my ex-boyfriend. This is a good thing because all we knew how to do before is yell at one another. Last night, we were exchanging a few stories about my "sleeptalking" habit. He outlined for me his (fine-tuned) plan to figure out when I had fallen asleep. He claims that after two months of living with me, if I started responding in a nonsensical manner, or if I stopped talking at odd times, he would call my name and gauge how I responded (there's a scale here), and then he'd poke me (if I didn't move, I'd been asleep for about 30 minutes to an hour). I was laughing hysterically at this, because I warned him after the first time that if I'm tired & someone tries to talk to me, they risk me not remembering the conversation in the morning!! This usually just annoyed him, hence why he created a "procedure" for deciphering how conscious I was!!

Day at the Beach

For me, there is nothing better than a day at the beach! Yesterday, a couple of friends and I went and had a Barbeque at the beach. It was pretty amazing. The lake isn't quite like the ocean, but as long I have some soft sand, I'm happy :-)

Best Surprise Ever

You know when you're having a bad day/week, and you wish something really hard? Everyone has their different somethings from pleading the traffic light to "please turn green" to wishing a friend would "answer the phone." Well, yesterday mine came true!! I almost drove three hours to see a friend because I missed him something fierce, and I'm pretty sure the only thing that stopped me was that me showing up at his doorstep would be a little weird (and I don't know exactly where he lives).

Well, I was on the phone with my (other) best friend when I got a knock on my door... and who shows up but the one guy I wanted to see more than anything in the whole world!?! I was ecstatic! This just has this tendency to make everything all better, and after the past few days I've been having, I really needed the pick-me-up. :-)

When it rains, it pours!

So you know how I said I have bad "days?" Well... this time I had two of them, which were compounded by the horrible heat & humidity these past few days. Yesterday was miserable, and to top off the misery, I lost my cell phone.

Now, I'm one of those anal people who still has hard copy of their "contact list" (actually it's in an excel file and I print a new one every year-ish) because I don't want to end up like those people who lose everyone's phone numbers and can't contact anyone. I also know my family's cell phone numbers by heart, and a few close friends (ex-boyfriend, roommate, etc.) so that I always have someone nearby to call when I'm in trouble and don't have my phone or contact list. Well, this year has been really busy and I haven't updated my address book since last summer. So anyone I've met in the past year, I couldn't contact. I'm also up at school for the summer, and haven't memorized anyone's numbers around here. Worse, it just so happens that everyone staying up at school right now I've met in this past year... so I was not only without a cell phone, but without a Plan B AND a Plan C!

However, around 9pm last night, my luck changed. The lady behind the counter at Subway said, "Heads or Tails?" I always go with heads, and it paid off. I got my meal for free! Then today, ironically, it started pouring as I was jogging back to my apartment (I was thinking about this and the previous blog "when it rains, it pours," and as soon as the rain started, I knew my day would be different). We really needed the rain, and now it's not so humid anymore! Even more lucky, someone found my lost cell phone in the grass just before the rain hit!!! I'm SO pumped right now!

Bad Things Happen in Threes...

You know that old saying "Bad things always happen in threes?" Well, mine tend to happen in DAYS!! I know that everyone has bad days but man, when it rains it pours!! Yesterday I took an unexpected trip to the doctor for my health problems (3 of them, ironically), was forgetting things right and left, it was hot & humid & gross, I got a phone call that someone in my (relatively distant) family died, I was stuck in lab really late and couldn't leave to go to the beach or go play volleyball, both of which I had been looking forward to all day, and my night ended having two serious (rather unpleasant) conversations with ex-boyfriends... simultaneously!

I told a friend about all of this on the phone (minus that last part) around dinnertime, and his comment was "Wow you really had an eventful day." I could really do without such an "eventful" day. But alas, these things tend to happen to me. When it rains, it pours! So here's to an uneventful day! ...or at least a pleasant one.

Drinking on Weekdays

I find that the consumption of alcoholic beverages, without accompanying a meal, is acceptable on weekdays only in a college atmosphere. This act is generally frowned upon by society once you graduate college and become a working member of society. So, for now, I am going to enjoy these simple pleasures in life with my very good friends.

Breakups

Normally I would not comment on such a personal thing in my life, but in this case, it got me thinking. My boyfriend of just over a month and I just decided to terminate our relationship. We had what my best friend called an "accelerated" relationship. He left the state and will not be coming back frequently over the next year, so if we wanted to do the "long distance thing," we had to establish a strong foundation before he left.

We both saw this breakup coming, so it didn't really bother us as much as a "normal" breakup would have. However, I find it odd that he was not all that bent out of shape about it. It just logically makes sense, and he agreed to part ways without much emotional attachment. My reaction was only different in that I shed tears, and expressed some emotional loss/mourning, while he did not. I am a rational person, and so I am actually the one who brought up "breaking up," so it was really a mutual thing. It just sometimes alludes me how most men can shut off feelings which would overwhelm me. If a guy tells a girl that he loves her, it usually is the man who will become emotional during a breakup, no? Apparently not. This confuses me. Ah, understanding the opposite sex... nope. I don't think it is possible for society to ever get to that point.

Mice

For those of you who have ever had to put mouse traps in your home, I understand your pain. I am living in a college (on-campus) apartment, and these four rowdy college boys who lived here before me did NOT keep this place in good condition. I mean it was AWFUL!! When I moved in, the coffee table was cracked in half, most of the windows were missing screens or would not open, they had pried the basement open, the closet door was stuck, the cabinet door was removed (not broken, just removed, which I found quite strange), and I had mice living with me.

Yes, mice. Within an hour of moving in, I noticed the mouse-droppings. I called the campus maintenance number and reported this. Someone came with traps within a few days, but I had to remove them myself. I usually do not have problems with "gross" tasks, but picking up these cute little mice who had just recently had their necks snapped by the traps in my kitchen gave me the willies. I am an "environmentally-friendly," "conserve energy," "save the animals," as my roommate called me, a "tree-hugger!" Killing furry little critters is NOT the kind of thing I enjoy doing. So, almost immediately after I threw these mice in the dumpster outside, I needed new traps. I had thrown the mice out without unlatching the traps. I didn't want to TOUCH them, let alone figure out how to re-use the mouse trap! Well, it was a Friday, and Maintenance doesn't work out and do things like deal with such infestations on the weekend. Being a stubborn woman, I was not going to buy my own traps, on principle, of course. So, my friend offered me his spare bed for a while, until the mice were gone.

You would think that after having to throw away the mice before, looking into their little beady eyes and tossing them into the dumpster, that I would eventually get over coming into my apartment to find another mouse in the trap. I have found five mice in my apartment so far, and after finding the first two, I have let out a shriek of surprise each time. I wasn't even living in the apartment at this point. Now, the friend I was living with has gotten a new roommate to fill the bed I was sleeping in, and I have regrettably moved back into my mouse-infested apartment. To be fair, I have not found mice in nearly two weeks. However, now I have to clean up the mess they have made in the house while I was gone. I bought a Swiffer mop today at the store. Wish me luck!

"Pilot"

I think that it is appropriate to call my first entry "Pilot." The film industry uses this term to refer to the first episode they shoot, at the point where they don't yet have funding for a series, and they are thinking "I hope this was a good idea." Well, I am already stretched far too thin to think about the implications of a "blog," but I have already started and I figure I can always stop at any point.

I am also slightly nervous, similar to a new director about to jump-start his career, because although I have sent information out into the abyss that is the internet for people to read, this is my first entry on a "blog." How am I doing? I find it odd that someone might look at what I have posted and judge what I have wrote. I read things others have wrote and think "Wow, that was a waste of time," or "That was hilarious; I should check this out again." Regardless of these awkward feelings, I hope this is an enjoyable experience for you (whoever you are). I will try my best to keep it entertaining, or at the very least interesting.