I've thought quite a bit about this topic over the past ten years. I lost two family members between 2000 and 2001, and it hit me pretty hard. It hit my family pretty hard. We're all dealing with it differently, and everyone's beginning to heal all over again.
...but I also lost a friend my first year of college, and that hit me just as hard. We weren't particularly close, but I knew him in a different way than everyone else did. It still bothers me that he died so young. My cousin was 17, and that has just begun to sink in after 10 years... but my friend was close in age to myself, and he lived near me. Then one day I got the news that he just wasn't there anymore. Similarly, my grandmother and I had just begun to hang out, and she died the day after we reconnected. I guess it was a good thing that we got that last opportunity, and that I got to know my friend pretty well before he died - I don't think that he would have made as much of an impact on my life had he not passed. But it's still scary.
I've lived with allergies all my life, and the idea that every day could be my last is something that I've struggled with for a while. It has made me who I am. The way I look at it, it can be motivating or completely unmotivating, depressing or invigorating, but
It's always bittersweet. Living each day as your last is a wonderful concept
...attempting to make sure that your life is "worth watching..." but then someone dies.
...& you have to remind yourself of all the good times you spent together so that you don't feel hatred or spite or upset or fear.
...& then you well up with tears anyway. So live each day as your last, but hope it isn't.
...& remember all those who have gone before us from this world for the good times we had, and for the lessons they've taught us.
...& hope that our lives will one day be just as impressionable on others.
